bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Randomize
