it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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