Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
