I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
