He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
