She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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