And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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