Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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