Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
