It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
