I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
