It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
And then he peed in my hair
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
