I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
i out mim tonsoeep
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
