third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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