i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
