i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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