I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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