I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
