yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
