with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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