He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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