I bet he comes in French.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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