I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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