dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
