Whats the glycemic index on semen?
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
