considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
two words: eviction party
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
