Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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