dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
