At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
