Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
