Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
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he has the hands of the vagina gods.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
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I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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