I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
