I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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