What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
where am i from again
splinters make it hard to masturbate
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
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