im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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