he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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