just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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