i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
