I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Sext me about skeletons
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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