I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Never joke about your clitoris.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
