But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We're too hungover to prance.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
