i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
