i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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