is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
