i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Holy shit dude........stairs
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
