Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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