I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
