Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
