Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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