The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
