I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
