I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
