i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
and you fell through a lawn chair
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.