There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.