my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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