you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy