Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
