You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
if i can run in heels then i can drive
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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