after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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