Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I think my moral compass just broke
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