Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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