I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
