Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
