The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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