i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
