Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
