what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
