I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
