Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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