I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
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She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
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Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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