I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
