butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
