Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
