We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Randomize
