whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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