Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
